He left us, and it was so sudden. My grandma even put the blanket on for him in the middle of the night w/o realising he's passed away at 4.30am in the morning.

woke up at 5plus after receiving a call, woke my bro up,rushed down to my grandparent's place. And it so pains me to see him lying on the bed, so pale like a sheet of paper with his mouth wide open.But there's nth we can do anymore, except asking him to leave peacefully and don't worry abt us. It's hard cos we're not allowed to cry loudly in the room, so we had to cry so silently, suppressing ourselves so much.

We cried badly, but not as bad as my brother. It pains me to see him crying so badly, but we all understand why he's feeling like that, for the fact that my grandparents raised him up since he was young. And my mum said that HE did alot of things for my brother, and it's really touching. Indescribable with words. Everything he did for us, we're all gna miss those times. The food he cooked, food he bought every morning, the times he brought us up, everything. Thank you for those.

It's so contradicting. We felt happy for him, that he has led such a good life with such a big family, and that he left real peacefully in his slp, and that he no longer have to suffer with all the illnesses of old age, but we can't help it but feel sad that we'll nv get to see him agn. Adults told us not to feel sad, not to cry, but be happy for him, but deep down inside we all know, it's hurting everyone, but they chose to be happy for him.

Peisze and I left before the coffin arrived at the funeral as I had a game on. Went over with puffy red eyes, but I told myself that there's no way I can bring my emotions on court. Hence, I put everything aside, played the game, feeling so high and happy. But once the game ended, I cannot help it but cry agn cos I missed him. Reached home and my mum told me that they've nailed the coffin alr. Ps and I cldnt make it on time to see him for the very very last time.. and he'll be cremated on Sunday.

Which made me regretted not gg to visit him more often, making me regret why didnt I go over during the weekends, like we usually do on Sundays. Instead my mum and I went out.But yes, what's the point of regretting when it's over? Some of you may tell me, that I shldn't feel sad and I shld learn to let go, and that he wldnt want to see us feeling sad and crying for him. Also, ppl will tend to leave, it's just a matter of time and all.I knw what you ppl are trying to say, and I deeply appreciated that. But he's someone whom we all loved and cherished afterall, someone who played a very very impt role in our lives since young, it's impossible to not feel sad and not to cry over his death, and I'm sure you guys will knw how I actually feel. So yea..

I've been living in bliss in the past, not knwing the pain of losing someone. However, I've been losing my loved and cherished ones, one by one, from my life or forever. Making me wna cherish all my loved ones even more. Heaven's been playing such cruel jokes on me, a blow after another. Big blows to me, making my tears fall non-stop for the past months, so much that I'm afraid I'll run out of them sooner or later. April's fool is over, I don't want another of this kind of jokes anymore. I cannot afford another big blow like this anymore. I knw I can't take it anymore, and it's making me scared, cos I really dno what's gna happen next. Life's so unpredictable, what if it's my family, what if it's me..

I only hope that he's living happily in the other world which is forbidden to us yet, and that he's no longer in suffering but living healthily and watching over us, every single one in the family. And that you may rest in peace forever. Ahgong, we'll miss you, always, definitely.