Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Hmmm, aye didn't go sch today. B&J's free cone day ytd (:
I didn't miss it this yr afterall. Yay ((:

clararara.livejournal.com
intruded-life.blogspot.com

Both are my blogs. This will tend to be a public one, while the other one will also have public posts but will tend to have more friends-only posts, in order for me to rant all i want to. It's gna be hard cos I'll have more blogs to maintain. So I might neglect this haha ok I try not to. I knw you all might ask why I don't wna close this blog. Don't waste your effort trying to ask cos I won't do it, cos there are just too many memories in my archives. Fond ones, Bad ones. They are all memories I don't wish to forget cos that's what's living in my heart. Unless I finally manage to convince myself, if not I don't think I'll ever delete this. Wells, maybe I will. But not in the near future, that's for sure.

Ayeeee, so posts here will most probably be happy ones, ok maybe with some rantings. But I think it will be worse over at the other one. The other one might be same posts, but with more elaboration perhaps? Who knws la, maybe one day I don't see the need for this blog anymore then I'll delete it and all readers shall go the other blog.

Alright. I shall talk abt today.Sigh, I feel so sad! Missed TJC's Megahouse Function today ): Damn sad la! Wanted to go with Huisan but she took med and was so drowsy so she took a nap and I didn't want to go alone so yep! I feel so bad for PS-ing Shanmin la. And I really wanted to go! Michelle's making it sound so damn fun, esp the part when she dance to the music of 'LOW'. DAMNNNNN. We wanted to be there for the sake of the dance floor! 'Cos we've been dancing during trngs! Hahaha oh wells. FATED.

So all the while. Eunice's been texting me abt what's gg on there since she has HC duties. And she said she wld dance and play with me if I were there. And she made me so jealous by saying the atmosphere was gd. RAHHHH so much for missing out all the fun! Sigh thought I cld do some work or my PI at home if I didn't go. and GREAT, I ended up slacking like nobody's business la. SHITTTTTTT.
My comp crashed I supposed so I have to use my laptop now and I seriously hate the connection thing. Pissing me off like nobody's business. Today is not a good day. All my songs and pics and all the files are in my comp @!$#@% All my memories in that comp, How can it die on me this-is-so-shit. RAHHHH I DNO HOW TO DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW LA DAMN ANGRY. All my favourite pics and everything ALL INSIDE. All my songs are inside. GAHHH I DNO WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO IT KILL ME PLS.

Maybe Eunice is right uh! I shld have gone to sch hen maybe such pissifying stuffs won't happen cos I won't be touching my comp at all! AH DAMN IT ))): I'm feeling freaking sad now.

Monday, April 28, 2008

I shall blog abt today.
Headache headache headache WHOLE DAY OMG. Met Huisan, Sihui and Michelle on the train agn! Haha, the train usuals (: Had Pw lesson and Math lecture. Was trying to study geog during Math lecture but my head was hurting so much,I've decided to slp! Haha, and I seriously think Ms T has a very bad taste.

Went to look for Ms Jeb to get the geog question paper and did it in the library. Omg la I took more than 1hr to do it! Haha, I'm such a cheater bug (only Shanmin, Huisan and Ruby knws why! :p) and the questions are really hard can faints*. Ran to the staff rm and ran back to the canteen cos I was afraid I'll miss the bus. In the end nv lah. We get to leave early cos guys got match at 1pm against VJC. Haha, but I missed alot alot of lessons and I missed Econs lecture test and Gp essay test. Means have to retake some other day ):

Slpt all the way to Clementi, until Ruby woke me up.Got down and ate chicken rice! We forgot we've been coughing hahaha! Guys didnt do very well today, Cheesiang didn't play cos he's sprained his ankle I heard. They lost to VJC 50-51 ): But nevertheless, they've gotten into the 2nd round! Haha, girls team played a sick game today! Haha sick as in ill hor! Lol. 5 out of 8 girls are sick! Huisan, Zihui, Sek, Shanmin and I. But we played quite ok today la. we won 64-30 (: Means both guys and girls team got into next round (: Play until I feel that I'm burning la! walao then very giddy cos headache! the headache just wldn't run away from me ):

Oh wells. good job both guys and girls! Guys will be playing against HCI, NJC and IJC in the next round. and girls will be playing against HCI, SAJC, JJC! We'll all jiayou (: and stupid Sen sheng keep asking me to go kiss the guys if their free throws don't get in. MA DE SAY UNTIL I DONT HAVE MEI LI LIKE THAT.

Headache! And my PI still undone, to hell with it la! walao. I wonder if I shld go sch tmr, or if I shld go trng strg. MY FREE CONE DAY ):
Oh wells. Gtg alr lah. byebye.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Ive a splitting headache and I'm gna explode anytime despite resting just now.
Headache plus fever. Shit man. Hopes fever goes down by tmr. Crucial game and WE knw we can do it. Loves to team.

and FYI, I've given up totally on my PI hohoho. And aft talking to Ps, I realised I've really grown up and matured, in terms of handling those probs that we faced. So well that they no longer become a problem of mine, all kept as memories in my head. Fond memories (:

I mean since there's no way we can force things to change, let's just go for other alternatives.And if we shld be friends, let's go for the best we can be (:

We'll always have to exchange in order to get other stuffs. So cute lil P, if you really want S to be happy, and so much that it doesn't matter if you're sad or not, then just let go ba. It's inevitable to be sad, and I knw it's gna be heartwrenching, torturing, but there's no other ways to make S happy other than exchanging your happiness for hers. You're gna be sad, and you might wna hang on. Others may tell you not to, but I tell you to continue be in this way. Hang on and be sad for however long you want to, until you've reached your max and you felt really tired and prepared, then you let go. It'll bring you to a level of happiness that others wont feel. My snr told me that, and I guessed I finally understood what she meant. I knw and am sure you'll feel that way sooner or later too (:
Don't stop thinking while being sad, and think intellectually, never procrastinate. You'll sooner or later find yourself brought to a higher level of maturity, high enough that you'll be able to deal better with further probs like this in time to come. I love you alright (:

Saturday, April 26, 2008

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These 8 people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people..

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Cry real badly, do a serious and angry confrontation, break up la duh! i mean since there's no pt hanging on with someone who has a change of heart. SUCKER! haha.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
I just wna love and be loved by that perfect one. And be treated like a baby! Ok no, I rather be a cherished princess.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
Perfectly romantic with my favourite colours, according to my dream design and with smiles on every faces, knwing that they're all happy for me (:
And of cos, I definitely want the PERFECT ONE (:

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Yes and No. I'm confused of what lies ahead, but I knw it has alr been planned. Just waiting for happiness to alight upon me.

5. What's your ideal lover like?
Someone who's faithful and loves me more than I do, someone who cherishes and cares for me more than anything else, someone who rmbs all the small details abt me w/o having me to say it out loud, someone who's willing to sacrifice other things just to have some sweet lil time with me. That sweet and cute lil' someone I'm looking for (:

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
To be blessed is to have someone who loves you as equally/more than you do. But if I have to make a choice, I rather be loved. Loving someone can be sweet, but it brings agony along with it.

7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
I dno. I think I'll just let nature takes its course. I mean what can I do abt it, we can't possibly force feelings to change! All we need is time. Perhaps after some time, your feelings has faded? Perhaps by then, it might be the other way round? Leave it all to fate (:

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Wishes the person happiness and hope the best for them (:
Give help whenever necessary too! I mean, as long as they're happy, I knw it's hard to be happy myself but I guess that's the only way? And, since lovers are not the best way out for us, then we can be best friends! (:

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
A lot of things happened within a short period of 2months, which made me cried and teared non stop, which made me feel so helpless in life. So many things and people I've lost, but there's nth I can do. But I've been better recently, and you'll knw why if you've been reading my recent posts (:

10. What do you want most in life?
Success. In life, love, career, everything, I want my life to be perfect.

11. Is being tagged fun?
It kinda makes me think, so I guess it's alright la.

12. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend, how would you react?
Hmm, I'm imagining that scenario. I'll get super angry and wonder why the betrayal from the both of them. Confrontation, but there's nth I can do abt it. Hope the best for them, and hope they'll live in bliss, that is, if they can get over the guilt. HAHA. And I'll get over and go for a better one!

13. Who is currently the most important person to you?
Only one? That will be my mum.
But the rest are equally impt. My parents, my brother, the whole family of Chia and Leong (though im not close to the Leong side), Gays (Qi, Wong, Wee, Jia, Cherm, Ama), Foursome (Qi, Jocina the jojo who's currently living in bliss, Janice), TK teammates (Sam, Jx, Wee, Jia, Sinyi, Grace), Current TJ teammates (Sek, Zh, Shara, Junyi, Huisan, Ruby, Shanmin), current class clique, current Tnet mates, current TJ close friends Weepeng, Eunice,etc, AND THE LIST GOES ON AND ON, nv ending.

14. What do you want most currently, right now?
I'm nv contented with whatever I have, though I cherish what I have. I want so many more stuffs. A nv-ending list. But currently, at the top of my list, I wna be happy and I want everyone to be happy too. Life's too short to get upset over too many stuffs.

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Rich and married pls! Hahaha. Oh wells, if i really have to make a choice, then obviously I wna be single and rich, cos single doesn't mean I can't be in love! (:

16. If the person you secretly like cannot recognize you, how would you react?
OMG THAT'S STUPID, I'LL KICK THE ASS OF THAT PERSON. HAHA. But how can I not be recognized with my small head! Everyone finds me familiar I dno why! (Think they see me too often in their fishball noodles)

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
What's the pt of being in a r/s if I don't? But I'll only give my all only if the other person gives it all and more than me!

18. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
I'm sure I won't. Though I tend to be fickle-minded, but when it comes to love, ONE MEANS ONE, and I'll kick the rest away! (:
But if that ever happens, I'll pick the one who loves and cherishes me more,the one whom I love more, the one who fits all my criteria. (Refer to Qn5)

19. What type of friends do you like?
I like friends who can click with me! Then we can have fun tgt. Friends who are loyal and trustable, so that we can often have heart-to-heart talks with one another (: And I definitely have those friends (:

20. If you played a prank on someone, and he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
BE EVIL AND LAUGH AT THEM AND PLAY ALONG WITH THEM SOME MORE! HAHAHAHAHA. and I'll rmb it for life cos it's all part of the fond memories we all hold (: Smth that belongs specially to us (:

I tag:
Weena
Wong gay
Michelle
Huisan
Phoebe
Samantha
Whoever reads my blog la, I'm too lazy to name out the rest! Just do it, I mean it's fun la, makes you think! (:

Went out in the morning to do PW with ZhaoHan and Michelle Cynthia Aw (HAHA) at NLB. Managed to find the article! Then ended quite early and Michelle and I went over to Bugis to have lunch. We were liek super hungry cos we hadnt have anything before that~ No breakfast today lor, stupid. Haha. so we walked AND DECIDED ON CRYSTAL JADE XIAO LONG BAO AND LA MIAN! HAHAHAHAHA. Super full, then shopping (: it's been a long time since I went shopping with friends? Too busy in sch la.

Haha, shopped and shopped arnd Bugis and it got boring cos it was so small! And Nike don't have my yellow sportsbra anymore! I want the yellow racerback one! )))))):
So sadddddddddddddddddd. And I want that Piglet pouch too, And I still want my big big piglet that I saw in PS from More than Words! RAHHHHHH, I need to save for them. No money alr la, esp after being a glutton this week. Sheesh, I don't wna put on those weight that I've lost ok!

Hahahaha, ok so shopped till abt 4plus. Went downstairs to get CHILLI CRAB FRIES (: Pig leh! Oh got Famous Amos before that! Hahaha then Michelle wanted to get Milo Mcflurry while I wanted Starbucks coffee. Imagine we wanted to have pepper lunch, crystal jade, swensen, etc. Cldnt rmb. but luckily we settled for crystal jade. Was deciding whether to go for Tnet trng or not! then decided that I shall be guai and stay at home and do my work.Hahaha. Then went over to 7-11 cos Michelle wanted to get her Big Gulp and I ended up getting Slurpee instead of her. Then took pics and HOMED!

Luckily nv go lor, Sy just called me and said trng cancelled. Walao eh, so late then tell me! Luckily I nv go, if not !@#$%&^$@#
Yao Si lor! Hahaha nvm, I'm enjoying my Famous Amos now (:
Shit I feel fat now. It's ok, I shall do some self consolation hahahaha. ok I shall go think abt my PI.Ah shit I havent study for test next week. byeeee ppl. Be happy (:
P.s. and I still want my W960i (: though i'm reluctant to change my w710i away. My fav(:

Pictures (:

Our La Mian and see the empty container in the middle? We finished the xiao long bao! (:

Michelle and I (: take 1!

Take2 !

Take 3!

Take 4!

Haha act cute! :p

Yay, Nice pic (:

Friday, April 25, 2008

Overdue PICS! (:
Geog Mates: Shiyun and Fangru! Act shy.

Class clique in sch:
Phoebe with her pburp shirt!
Grace with her burger! tsktsk fat die her!
Ok, this is not my classmate but she's my OGL in O2? Anw let me introduce EUNICE ((((:
AND YES IT'S US AGN ((:

SPAS LOOK.
YAYYYY <3>
OOHHH the plant that we planted for the class! (((:
Sek with my piglet! She looked psychotic! haha :x

Wednesday 23rd April 2008. On the way to guys' match at SBC.
Look at Chee Siang! HAHAHAHA I'M EVIL.
Ok, Sek and Zihui funnying with my cam. heng nv break down.
Sek and Zh. Take 1!
Take 2!
Take 3!
Take 4!
Melissa, Jx and I ((:

Lisze and I (:

Half day today! Lessons were till 11.40am for me and the participants. Ohwells, I've been super gluttony today ):

Was eating non-stop the whole day la. All Huisan's fault. Sports Meet today, nth much interesting. Didn't take part la, was super lazy to. Plus I'm so slow, confirm lose one la! Hahaha. So wells, slacked arnd, cheered on teammates who took part in diff events and also the PDP relay. Girls got 4th while guys got 2nd! Well done and good job to both guys and girls yea! Esp to dearest girls, it doesn't matter if we win or not today, but it matters next Monday, and we knw we can do it aye! (: TeamTJC hot qi lai! Temasek Teddies whoosh! ((((:

Today was hilarious IDK WHY. Was laughing and joking the whole day. Played ball when we were bored and it made me laugh till I rolled on the floor. HAHA ((: Got so tired at the end of the day and Sek, Shara, Huisan and I lied on the floor outside Physio Room (bball place) AND SLEPT! It's ok la, not like we've nv slept in school before. Hmmm, but the guys were so noisy they woke us up when they walked over after Sports Meet. And I woke up with a splitting headache MY GOSH. Stoned for some time and Huisan and I left to Central to have Macs for dinner. SEE I TOLD YOU I'VE BEEN EATING WHOLE DAY, ESP WITH HUISAN!! ))): FAT DIE ALR.

At sports meet:
Michelle and I ((:

Huisan and Michelle ((:
Three of us! Goes to sch tgt almost everyday plus Sihui ((:
Huisan and I ((:
She's like my camwhoring mate! ((:

Hahaha, happened to read the lil' card that May gave to me some time ago agn.
"Happiness is as a butterfly, which, when pursued, its always just beyond grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you"
-Nathaniel Hawthorne

Haha she gave me that with a lil msg attached! I'm glad that we chose our destiny as friends too (: Our bestfriend butterfly necklace (:
And it just dawned upon me that I want to be happy, I wna pursue my happiness, but I won't go all out for it. Cos it's always beyond grasp when pursued! I rather lie low and let nature takes its course, cos happiness always comes to me in that manner, it always does, just like in the past (:
Always ((:

Whenever things work out for me or whenever thoughts in my head are sorted out, it makes me heave a sigh of relief cos it shows that I've grown a lil' more each time, and I sense a greater level of maturity in me. I guess this is how l grow up bit by bit at every diff stage, and supposedly, this is how life works I guess! ((:

Always take a break whenever you feel that you've reached your max (:
It works for me (:

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Is it me or what! I'm like damn suay today. LIKE SERIOUSLY SUAY.. Suay until I was swearing at the end of trng.

Let me start from this morning. Woke up late, rushed to take train. Thought I won't be able to catch the 6.47am train that Huisan and I always do so stopped rushing halfway. Then when I reached the station at 6.49am, I hear the train! Rushed up but doors' closed ):
Wasn't late though cos I managed to catch the same bus that we always do! Haha, then ya lor, went to sch with Huisan as usual.

Imagined I slpt at 130am last night and woke up at 6plus am this morning, less than 5hrs of slp can die! All bcos of studying can! Chemical bonding and other chem stuff la. Chem lecture test was screwedddddd today. Breaks and breaks in sch, spilled a lil' watermelon+apple juice onto shiyun's paper. So paiseh la! We practically slept and slept lor. zzz. But the best thing abt today is that there's a yoghurt icecream stall thing in sch for a week i guess! OMG LA SO NICE. haha. had one strawberry+grape+longan one, then shared blueberry+longan+grape with Ruby! (:

Eunice is mad! I just wanted to say hi and talk to her in the morning, then she started telling her friend that I'm pretty and called me MeiNu when she sees me in sch! Hahaha and I kept giving her that weird look! Hahaha. Yay I love her cos she's riding my sampan with me! (: the sampan that i built for her! haha.

Aft sch went out to eat dessert with Ruby, Sek, Jiawei and Ms Ang, then Shanmin came. Sek bully me lor! keep coughing near me, AND JIAWEI AND HER KEPT POKING THEIR STICKS INTO MY RED RUBY! and they used the sticks for ROJAK =/ walaoooooo. Then went back, and i decided to change in the bathing cubicles.So I went to the last one and there was a ventilator. So I was so clumsy, that while I was changing, I hit the blades of the turning ventilator and now there are cuts on my hand ): DAMN PAINFUL, BLEEDING ): Then went out, applied some Dettol antiseptic cream, trained a lil' in the drizzle lor. And the raindrops that dropped on my hand ARE VERY STUPID, cos it hurts my wound ):
Suay-est thing of the day

Rested, shoot balls and I forgot what la. Oh another suay-est thing of the day. Tmr's Sports Meet, so Zihui, Shara, Shanmin and Huisan trained for PDP 4x100m relay. Then Sek, Ruby and I were at the side watching them. When I was so engrossed in talking to Ruby, I was oblivious of the surroundings, and some guy kicked the ball and Sek siam-ed the ball! I WAS RIGHT BEHIND HER AND THE BLOODY BALL HIT ME ON MY STOMACH DAMN HARDLY, SO HARD THAT THERE WAS EVEN A LOUD SOUND. It was so damn bloody painful that I almost sweared at that guy but realisd there were a lot of ppl arnd so I didnt.

Then alot of ppl left and I was like F*** la. repeated dno how many times la. Then they make me laugh like mad, and it hurt more! Rested but it still hurts and i started cursing that guy and all the Nabeh and other ahemahem crude languages. Ok, not that crude afterall but a lil' crude la. Then Sek was shocked when the NB came out of my mouth! Haha actually I was shocked too but it was really super painful. Imagine you got hit by a soccer ball that was kicked by a super strong guy. Gosh, damn it. I think if it hit my boobs, it will be flattened. (stupid Sek said it wil be concaved, idiot)

Then Sek piggybacked me back to the court and I sprawled on the floor. Stupid Ruby, stupid Sek, stupid Huisan and stupid whoever that laughed at me! Esp Sek lor, still siam the ball! walao.it wld have hit your face instead of my tummy la. Then rested and went for dinner at e blackboard with Ruby, Huisan, Shanmin, Shara and Weixiong. Fish and Chips! Haha.Then came home! Faints, I was tolerating the bloody pain when I was bathing. It was shit!!!!!!! )))))):

And and and! I have to do my PI agn, she only returned me today can! expect me to come up witha whole new PI and hand in by tmr meh! YOU WAIT LONG LONG LA. I STILL GOT TRNG LOR. HOW TO RUSH FOR YOU. Don't care, I think I'll explain to her alr then hand in by tmr or whatsoever lor. Damn tired alr, Jeremy tried to be a nice guy and accompanied me online for a while more, nw he also tell me he need to go slp alr! Hahaha, think he really buay tahan alr. I wonder how I actually tahan this few weeks! everyday slp aft 12. Everytime 5plus hrs of slp. AVERAGE IS THAT LOR. OMG HOW PATHETIC. SHIT MAN.

ok la. it's 12 agn. im gg to slp alr. Sports Meet tmr in sch! then maybe team dinner after that, oh wells. shall plan agn. ok gtg ppl. byebyeeeeeeeee.Nights.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Flipping thru my file today in sch, and saw my grandpa's death cert and I started tearing. I miss him, I definitely do.

On a lighter note, I've been a happy girl in school today (except for the crying part). Saw LiSze and I'm very sure she's tired and misses ahgong as much as I do. Oh wells, I don't knw why but I just felt happy and had fun with my classmates. Though it's a Mon that I dread like mad cos it's my longest day with two Geog periods and all, I felt rather light today. Fine, I don't mean literally. And I'm certainly glad that Monday's over.

Trng was ok lah, Did some shooting from all the 5angles, then onto the track and Zh told us not to anticipate much. So we just ran/slowrun round the track, from the outermost lane, and moving inwards to the inner lanes after every round. Then out to the outer ones agn. Ran lik 12rounds arnd the track I think? or more or whtevr! But I felt, or rather, we felt so acccomplished today cos it's more than 5km and wells, it wasn't tiring but more of the strain in my calf muscles. Some pumpings/situps/leg raises. Cool down and off to hawker centre to have dessert with Ruby, HuiSan, JunYi, GuanJie and Justin! MY RED RUBY (: then home (:
Wanted to do my chem work but I'm really tired haha.

It has been a long way for my grandfather. A long time that he managed to struggle thru, and finally, he managed to let go and leave peacefully. Yes, we missed him, sooo much, but I guess we also have to learn to let go, and keep whatever sadness within us, deep in our hearts. Instead, we shld feel happy that he's no longer suffering and that he's in gd health now and forever. It's only when we learn to let go that then he'll be able to leave peacefully.

And I realised, life is all abt learning how to adapt. Things/people come and go in life. When they come, we learn to adapt to them. When they go, we learn to let go of them. He has finally learnt to let go of everything and leave. So isn't it time for us to learn to let go too? Life is all abt that, and learning how to let go of things that are not meant to be. Things that are meant to be, they will be. Things that are not, it's best that we let go and start afresh, learning how to get over them.

I'm still in the process of learning, and in this whole process, I see a great growth of maturity in me. We live on memories, and thoughts of the future. What's happened today became history and all we can do is to anticipate what's gna happen tmr. Since we live on memories cos that's what everyone has/will, then why choose the sad/unhappy ones when you can choose the happy ones? Along the same line, why choose to be sad when you can choose to be happy? And I hereby declare that I choose to keep the gd memories and throw away/forget the bad ones. Cos I knw I wna be happy, and I wna pursue my own happiness. I'm letting go of what I think I shld. And finally, I knw that I've made the right decision this time round.FINALLY ((:

Yes, I've been trying to express whatever I can say with words on my blog. However, words are limited. There are too much feelings within me that are unexpressed, cos they are indescribable with words. Childhood memories kept coming back to me, pouring into my mind constantly. Flashbacks abt the past when we were all so young and pampered. There are just so many things that I just can't seemed to describe with words, in fact, too many to count. But I'm sure people in the family knows what I'm trying to say, esp. cousins of my age, we've been thru the same stage, I'm sure you all knw what I'm talking abt. It's gna be too hard to express myself clearly and fluently with words. That's the best I can do, and the rest shall be kept within all of us. Sometimes, it's also better that things are left unsaid cos I feel that it brings out the true meaning of what is to be conveyed.
(and as I'm typing this paragraph, I see a moth flying in my hse, from the kitchen then arnd, then towards me and finally under the comp table and then it disappeared. I don't see it anymore.)

I know he's watching over us. And I knw he can hear us, our cries and our prayers and our laughters.I knw it, we all knw it (:
( and I see the moth agn, in the kitchen, reluctant to fly out of our unit, and then it disappeared in my kitchen, I dno where it is now. I knw, you knw, we all knw what it is.)

AND J just told me she's leaving for studies in AUST soon! OMG, and she said she won't be coming back to Singapore that often anymore! ):
Idiot la she just told me today and I'm feeling so sad cos I'm gna have one gd friend less to share my probs with anymore. So pls J! Come online more often ok! You're most probably gna leave end of this month which means you're gna miss my birthday ))))):
A past that we shared and we'll nv forget, now that we became gd friends, I knw, I'm gna miss you so much when you aren't arnd. And the book that you wrote to me in the past? I kept it safely, reading it occasionally, serving as a reminder to nv make such hurting mistakes agn.
Pls meet up soon, and inform me whenever you come back to Singapore so that we can meet up.
You are a great friend, and I really appreciated it, now that you're leaving soon, it makes me sad. And I think I'll cry. I love you, my dearest friend, my dearest J (:

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Cremation today.It pains me to see my grandma crying so badly at the wake. It really pains me to see how badly my mum and aunts cried. It pains me to see his coffin being sent inside. I can't bear to see him leave us. The thought that we wouldn't see him anymore just makes me feels worse. We didn't expect ourselves to cry so badly, crying out to him. I knw I shldn't be crying so much, cos I had to hug and comfort my mum, had to be there with my bro to support her, but my tears weren't listening to me. It was bad.

The funeral wake ended today, and that's the most we can do for him for the last time. And we were told that Tingtingjie saw him at the wake at abt 4 or 5 in the morning and immediately prayed to him with joss sticks then he left. Lots of things that we were told, just proves that he's arnd with us all along, and he can hear us, our cries, our laughters, everything. Rituals were done and I really hope he can rest in peace.And I hope and we all knw that he will be happy over at the other side, no longer be in suffering and watching over us. He was great, doted on us, and I'm sure we're all glad that we had him in our childhood, be it the scoldings or the lovely food or the things he has done for us. I'm sure all of us greatly appreciated them and rmbed it deep down in our hearts.

Ahgong, you'll forever be in our hearts, and kept safely and deeply in there.Definitely. and I'm sorry that I haven't been a very good granddaughter, but yes, I love you, that's for sure.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

He left us, and it was so sudden. My grandma even put the blanket on for him in the middle of the night w/o realising he's passed away at 4.30am in the morning.

woke up at 5plus after receiving a call, woke my bro up,rushed down to my grandparent's place. And it so pains me to see him lying on the bed, so pale like a sheet of paper with his mouth wide open.But there's nth we can do anymore, except asking him to leave peacefully and don't worry abt us. It's hard cos we're not allowed to cry loudly in the room, so we had to cry so silently, suppressing ourselves so much.

We cried badly, but not as bad as my brother. It pains me to see him crying so badly, but we all understand why he's feeling like that, for the fact that my grandparents raised him up since he was young. And my mum said that HE did alot of things for my brother, and it's really touching. Indescribable with words. Everything he did for us, we're all gna miss those times. The food he cooked, food he bought every morning, the times he brought us up, everything. Thank you for those.

It's so contradicting. We felt happy for him, that he has led such a good life with such a big family, and that he left real peacefully in his slp, and that he no longer have to suffer with all the illnesses of old age, but we can't help it but feel sad that we'll nv get to see him agn. Adults told us not to feel sad, not to cry, but be happy for him, but deep down inside we all know, it's hurting everyone, but they chose to be happy for him.

Peisze and I left before the coffin arrived at the funeral as I had a game on. Went over with puffy red eyes, but I told myself that there's no way I can bring my emotions on court. Hence, I put everything aside, played the game, feeling so high and happy. But once the game ended, I cannot help it but cry agn cos I missed him. Reached home and my mum told me that they've nailed the coffin alr. Ps and I cldnt make it on time to see him for the very very last time.. and he'll be cremated on Sunday.

Which made me regretted not gg to visit him more often, making me regret why didnt I go over during the weekends, like we usually do on Sundays. Instead my mum and I went out.But yes, what's the point of regretting when it's over? Some of you may tell me, that I shldn't feel sad and I shld learn to let go, and that he wldnt want to see us feeling sad and crying for him. Also, ppl will tend to leave, it's just a matter of time and all.I knw what you ppl are trying to say, and I deeply appreciated that. But he's someone whom we all loved and cherished afterall, someone who played a very very impt role in our lives since young, it's impossible to not feel sad and not to cry over his death, and I'm sure you guys will knw how I actually feel. So yea..

I've been living in bliss in the past, not knwing the pain of losing someone. However, I've been losing my loved and cherished ones, one by one, from my life or forever. Making me wna cherish all my loved ones even more. Heaven's been playing such cruel jokes on me, a blow after another. Big blows to me, making my tears fall non-stop for the past months, so much that I'm afraid I'll run out of them sooner or later. April's fool is over, I don't want another of this kind of jokes anymore. I cannot afford another big blow like this anymore. I knw I can't take it anymore, and it's making me scared, cos I really dno what's gna happen next. Life's so unpredictable, what if it's my family, what if it's me..

I only hope that he's living happily in the other world which is forbidden to us yet, and that he's no longer in suffering but living healthily and watching over us, every single one in the family. And that you may rest in peace forever. Ahgong, we'll miss you, always, definitely.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Overdued pics!
Phoebe and me (:



Michelle, Amanda, Linda and Mavis (:

PB and Grace (:

Look at Linda the Laoda.

Bullying Michelle HAHA.

Clique in CG13/08 (:


Heyo! Back to blog hehe perhaps I'm just abit hyper though I'm alr tired.
Alright.let's start from friday night. I was slping alr and suddenly my phone vibrated so i picked up the call. AND GUESS WHAT SAM LOH CALLED ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND I REALLY THOUGHT ITS MORNING AND IVE GTA WAKE UP TO WORK, SO I LITERALLY TALKED TO HER FOR A WHILE. She gave up cos I was only semi-awake HAHA.I checked the time and realised it was only like 1plus and I really wanted to kill her pls. So woke up at 645 on Sat morning. Got prepared for work and went downstairs. Went to fetch May then we all went to pick up the stuffs necessary for the wedding. Reached Jurong Bird Park at abt 8plus? Started work. Tied Geberas to 90chairs and decorated tables and everything. Tiring work. Left like 4plus after setting up the wedding place for some Indian couple.

Didnt go for Tnet trng cos was really tired from trngs and season starts the following week so yep.Went home and bathed and got prepared. Met ShanMin and HuiSan at Marina Square at abt 6plus. Caught 'Definitely, Maybe', the story is just.. i dno la, normal la. Had Yoshi for dinner and camwhored. Then met May and Kimpapa came to fetch us at 9plus from Ms and we went back to Jurong Bird Park. Waited and waited for the indians to finish dancing then we packed up. Packed from like 11plus to like 1am?! Took out the Geberas and all the diff deco. Total earned abt 90bucks lor. Tiring work. Reached home and totally knocked out.
Out with Shanmin and Huisan!:
Camwhored with my cam!
Act shy la the both of them!

See! they camwhored and ignored me! TSK..
Huisan, me and Shanmin (:
Shanmin and I (:
Huisan and I (:


On the way back to BirdPark to pack things up:
(when we were still abit high)

Act cute queen!

She squashed my cute and small head! BigBully.
SEE I TOLD YOU! MY POOR LITTLE SMALL HEAD ):
the cupcakes that the indians had for the wedding!


On the way home after packing up:
(totally shagged)
See! totally dead ):

LOL. trying to be artistic.

we were really tired but insisted on taking these pics haha!
Falling aslp!


MY MUM WAS SO IRRITATING SHE WOKE ME UP AT 11PLUS AND IM FREAKING TIRED. walao. Just made my bro and I had brunch with her. Then went back and Teng came over to use the comp and I just fell aslp on my sofa. Went Plaza Sing at 4plus with mummy, and J, this is not no life, it's just FILIAL ok. Hmmm, wanted to change phone but lotsa things happened so ended up shopping, bought shoes and some food but not my clothes! and went Manhattan for dinner. Went home at abt 10plus.Reached home, slp. rest for big day the following day!

At Manhatten with Mummy (:
Mummy (:
ME (:

Yay, today. Attended Pw and maths lecture then left to prepare for game against Dunman High at 1.30pm at Clementi Sports Hall. Won 34-53.BUT, lousy game played today and everyone agrees. Smth just went wrong and we didnt play as per normal. No rotation, everything was just in a mess and everyone's so flustered. Dno why! But things were better in the 4th quarter so yep. Missed 2underbaskets shit! But had some assist so yep I think its gd (:
Temasek Teddies whoosh! *does the sign* HAHA.
Before gg for the match!:

Camwhoring with Shara (:
Teddy9 and Teddy11!
Teddy 12 and Teddy7.
Teddy 5 and Teddy 6 and Teddy 10!
TeamTJC Hot Qi Lai (:

Oh and guys had match against ACJC and won them 60plus to 20plus la! Good job guys! And thanks for cheering on the girls! We cheered on you guys too! (:
Trng tmr. Game against VJC on Wed 1pm at SBC. Then trng on Thurs. Fri TK team dinner? Sat Tnet trng. But I think I'll be damn shagged by then and my sch work's gna pile up and higher and higher into the sky. DIE ):
Oh shit, it's like 10.07pm now and I haven't finish copying my geog essay. Blame the geog teacher pls. I finished my essay like last week when it's supposed to hand in tmr. Yet i didnt do it on TJC foolscap and i told her, hoping she could exempt me for once. And guess what? She said," I appreciate you for doing your work so promptly, but if I let you do this for once, you will have a habit and will do it again. So pls go copy it on TJC writing pad since you have a week to do so" And guess what again?! My geog essay is like 3pages long on normal writing paper. So it's gna be like 4 pages long if it's on TJ foolscap. MY HANDS ARE DYING. SHITTY HELL GRRRRR.
Anw, I vented out everything as I spoke to Xuejun when I met her on the way to SBC and also when I was with Huisan at 108 after watching game at SBC. Feels good to say things out when I'm like filled with anger for like a week or weeks even. GRRRRR BASKET LA. ok this is a long post and yep I'm gna continue copying my essay ):
Flashing thru my mind whenever, wherever, anytime, anywhere. DAMN.